Opening doors.

Today I closed the doors on the store I had been running. That leaves me without a work home. I will cover other stores while the people running them take a vacation. Then I will start in another store. The least productive store, also the least supported. We'll see how it goes. If I can make something happen there I'll be some kind of a hero. If I don't I imagine running two stores into the ground won't look so good.

Now really, I'm sure I could have done better, you can always do better. But my numbers were just as good as anyone Else's, just higher rent and a store that had a pita problem because of location.

So, onto the point of the post. Change. So as seems to be the case with the rest of my life I'm surrounded by change but yet nothing has started. No direction has emerged. I'm simply waiting for the rest of the shit to hit the fan. And it will. I'm hoping sooner than later. I'm anxious for a future to emerge. I just think the past has to finish going away first.

And it's not just waiting for things to take shape, there will be a process to put the past to rest. I'm really thinking I've got a solid year of making the past go away. It's kinda a like taking refuge during a hurricane. You know the worst part of the storm has passed, but at some point you have open the door and deal with the mess. So I've opened that door, and it's a mess.

They say that with every door you pass through there are new possibilities. And I agree because quite possibly this sucks.

Hello again.

Well it's time for my semi-annual post. Things have changed. I've found myself single again. I don't know that it's an improvement. It just is, its just something that had to happen. But that leaves me at a new beginning.

Beginnings. That seems to imply the start of something doesn't it. Yet, I've no plans. No goals. I always felt that my dreams held me back a little kept me from plugging in and making a life of what was in front of me. And so without them, I should be plugging in and digging in. I've never cared so little about the world around me. Never been so unmotivated.

My bucket list. Completely empty. I've talked to others who feel the same. I think it's an epidemic. I have thought it would be a great book if someone were to write what to do when your bucket is empty. Maybe I'll write it. I'll call it: "Somebody kicked my bucket and I'm still here, what to do when your bucket is empty." Now I just need to figure out what to write, and then i suppose I should figure out how to write.

I have thought about it, being in it of course it's fresh on my mind...all the time. I think about the only thing you can really do is to start moving. Without goals and direction I think maybe you just create the motions and hope something takes.