And so it begins.

Blogs are a funny thing. Sometimes it makes me feel more connected to the world, sometimes I feel more isolated. Same activity different feeling. I can go stretches without posting. sometimes I just don't have anything to say. Sometimes I don't like what it is i have to say. Sometimes i specifically avoid posting.

Why i blog. Different reasons I guess. Sometimes it's a creative outlet. A place i can 'publish' a piece of something before i forget about it. A marker of sorts that I did have a thought that involved more than sports and pretty women. Sometimes i use it as a communication tool. Sort of a way to get info out there without having to intrude with a phone call. Sometimes just as a way to clarify my thoughts. If i can make a sentence out of what I'm thinking then I have structure to my thoughts and I can build on them. The structures not always there prior to blogging. And if you've read my blog you'll realize how few proper sentences I actually make. Imagine my brain!!

I've been writing some stuff, and that would indicate creativity but really i feel very uninspired. I'm really forcing any efforts i make right now. luckily writers block has never been an issue and so a little here and there it can appear like I've done much more than I actually have.

Where I'm at. If you've been reading you'll realize I'm at a crossroads. Hopefully a turning point and not just a stop sign. There are things I'm working on, slowly but still in a positive direction. It's these things I hope to build on. I have a vision for my life, it's not in the form of a career and so is difficult to communicate as that seems to be all that anybody knows even oddly my creatively inclined friends. But you know, it wasn't long ago and the vast majority of America was not involved in what we would commonly call a career, although very productive. And yet they found ways to survive and be happy, and even to grow. It is my belief that opportunity exists again, I've seen it coming for a couple of years and this economy seems to be the starting point.

The cost of participating in the normal path has been producing diminishing returns every year. i think we finally hit the limits. shedding that world and it's expectations may now create the opportunity to simplify and live better. Sure a Lexus is out of the question, but so is the repo man. And so I look for ways to make it happen.

The first step for me is to find my inspiration again. I've turned to the only job I've ever had that i had a passion for to see if it would return and inspire me on in new directions. Only one job has left me lying in bed thinking about the things i wanted to do and the best way to do them. Every other job i forgot about within 5 miles of leaving the work site. And so my plan has been to volunteer as a track coach this spring as I search for my direction.

The good news came on Friday. The local school accepted my offer and in fact has offered me a very nice role in their group. The school district had cut funding for one of their assistants and so were one short. Quite the stroke of luck. I met the track coaches and it seems like a very nice fit. I'm not sure they have a feel for what 20 years of rust actually means but hopefully I'll gain my footing before I lose all credibility. The universe may care after all.

And so in two weeks I begin the journey. who knows where it will lead. Maybe nowhere but then again???

Other than that I'm trying to sort through possibilities and see what role they might play. I have my music, and two other hobbies that can yield part time incomes or better. Or i may patch together part time jobs to support more opportunities like this coaching one.

So that's where I'm at. The gear grinding stage is over, at least this part of it. The inspiration part begins.