Update

Well it's been a while since I updated any of my going ons. So I thought I'd catch people up.

Running. I've been running 2-3 times a week. Not too far, maybe 1-2 miles of running with another 1+ miles of warmup and warm down walking. My conditioning has improved but as I thought I'm really too heavy to support too much. And so while I got a little crazy for about a week I learned my lesson. I'll need to get serious about the diet soon.

Diet. I have not been dieting. My lunch today was 1 1/2 qts of rocky road. Yes I ate that much. And my dinner thus far was two beef pot pies. Yumm. Hardly lo-carb fare. But I'm watching my budget and a lo-carb diet is a little more spendy. Of course I was able to splurge for the ice cream, and I do seem to hit the DQ a few times a week and the coffee shop about four times a week (but only coffee, the cheaper stuff). So I could do it. But the good news is that I'm not gaining weight. so I'm about halfway to my goal and holding.

Coaching. Up and down (no high jump pun intended). The athletes are doing well. The five I have left heading into sections this week are at the top of their games. So I'm pretty happy. Of course the goal for me was to see if I still have passion for coaching. And indeed I do, and I'm good at it. The downside, it's been so long since I've done anything I've had a passion for I forgot how intense I can be. Nobody can really match my level of commitment. I think it's why I've done well in leadership positions. However that doesn't work well with other coaches. The biggest obstacle I face in helping these kids to excel is the team system and self imposed limits set by the head coaches themselves. It's difficult for me to watch kids who are working so hard to be limited by the people that are suppose to be leading the way. I just have to remind myself that it is a job for these guys, and they have families and stuff. It really has me a bit stuck about what to do for next year. I'm vested in the kids and so don't want to change schools, but at the same time I think it's a self defeating team structure. I might be better off finding another system that is more focused on achievement, and one that pays. it's too bad because it's a pretty talented coaching staff, but if they're not willing to do what it takes to get to the next level, I can't see it happening.

Job Search. Well I'm into it now. Resumes are going out. I've come to the conclusion that it's not the job so much as the schedule and the flexibility that's offered. I want to be able to coach. That's the bottom line. I'll be looking for a weekend shift in manufacturing, maybe a QA job since that will have a path that can yield more money without more physical effort. Also I'll probably consider different sales options. I'm OK at it and they can offer flexibility if it's the right thing. I've considered going back to school for teaching. And I haven't ruled it out, but coaching does seem to satisfy me in that direction, I'm not sure that I need to get so immersed in the education system. And I don't want to be a head track coach so I don't need that in.

Music. Well this is interesting. I haven't been very focused on this lately with track and face book but yet I seem to be making interesting strides in this area. I've been jamming on the bass most Fridays with my brother and his friends, it has come back quite well. I can't say that I'm anywhere near where I was back in the day, but it's coming back much quicker than I thought it would. My ear is just starting to come around, and my timing is leaping forward quickly now. I'm not sure if I want to do anything with the bass playing or not. I'd need a decent bass and setup, so that's like $1200 to get rolling. I could get by with what I've got, but probably not at the level I'd like to start at. Writing wise I got an unexpected boost, a friend of mine had a digital recording device he hasn't been using and so he borrowed it to me. It's not so plug and play friendly tho so I need to do some studying. The manual is 143 pages of sheer excitement. The other thing I've been doing is trying to set up coffee shop gigs for various artists at the local coffee shop. It helps the lady who owns and runs the coffee shop, the artists by providing a place to play and me because it's interesting and fun to do.

All in all I'm quite happy with the direction of things. I think since I decided to create a life that suits me better my life has been improving. The greatest disappointment is probably in how resistant to change some people are. I really thought that aligning myself with my inner self would bring me closer to certain people in my life. Instead it has been quite the opposite. I guess you're only entitled to that certain little corner that people have placed you in. They don't like it when you change, and don't quite fit that niche anymore. well such is limits, friendships and family.

The other thing that is interesting to me, is how difficult it is for people to deal with genuine dialogue. If you talk to them without pretense, which you think would be good, really fucks with them. i guess there's no time for connecting with folks anymore. Just sliding by each other, trying not to touch.

i think when you drop the crap, the pretending, the hyping yourself up for goals and such that really don't matter to you, and focus on what really matters to you, you kinda turn yourself inside out. You approach people differently, you talk to them differently. You don't try to hide who you are as much. Intimacy, is what it really is, just not in a sexual way. I think people don't know how to deal with it. for some, while it should be a easier more natural communication is more taxing. If they're not in that same place i suppose it's more difficult to dance around. For other people, I don't think they can separate this kind of intimacy from sexual. It makes it weird for them. All in all I just don't think people can deal with it. But if I feel old in anyway, besides the creakiness, it's that I just don't have time for pretense. I really feel that my time left on this planet is much more limited than it should be. Call it premonition, not so much a sense of doom, as I'm kind of OK with it, but I'm thinking ten years tops and I'm done. I'd like to spend the end connected. And if it goes on longer than expected then I'm better off anyways. It's all good.